The Weirdest Dream Ever
by Lyrasloon
Summary: This is it people. I've finally written one that will make your head hurt from all of the facepalms. Everything is all messed up and it's fantastic. I take no blame for brain damage, btw. XD Rated K , only as a precaution. Nothing really happens.


A/N: Okay, so I realize that the fics are appearing at the speed of molasses, (which is probably being generous as a term actually); However, I am going to try and write on a more regular basis. In fact, I have been looking at getting into a writer's workshop...as a general refresher course, mind you. Anywho, enough with the chatter.

Alright, the general disclaimer applies...blah, blah, blah. I apologize ahead of time for any damaging facepalms or head slams into foreign objects in general as a result of reading this. Yes, I might just break your brain...but the plot wouldn't leave me alone.

As a general rule, Hiccup tried to avoid being woken up by drool or some other rude awakening, such as a huge black reptile on his chest before the sun even came out. However, it seemed that rule was not going to apply today.

"Mmph! Toothless! Get off, ok?!" Hiccup said, gasping for air as well as one could with a giant lizard on one's chest. As soon as Toothless moved, he started licking his friend until he was soaked head to toe. "Okay, I get it already! Geez, bud! I take it you're ready to start our day, huh?"

Hiccup had barely gotten his prosthetic on before he was being shoved out the door by an over eager Toothless. Hiccup sighed, realizing the dragon might just be like this all day. Glaring at the dragon in question, he had barely managed to grab a piece of fruit. He knew full well that they both had a rather busy schedule. The sooner they got started, the better off things would be...at least that's what he told himself. Recently things had been more hectic than usual, so both Hiccup and Toothless had started getting up to train as early as possible, if only to make sure that things at least started normally.

"Let's get started then, shall we? Maybe we should try those new throwing knives I made or should we stick to trying with shield?" Hiccup wondered, looking at his arrangement of weapons he'd made for his training.

He was getting more serious with his training these days and everyone had noticed. Sure, he was still skinny on the outside, but he could throw knives and even his shield with deadly accuracy now. Actually, he had (on several occasions, mind you) tried to get everyone else to try and get at least a little serious about training. So far, he had made very little progress, but its not like he was surprised or anything. His friends had their own personalities and he had long ago gotten used to it. Ruff and Tuff were his biggest challenges when it came to training, as they were both so passive all of the time. Just thinking about all of the times he had tried to get them to use weapons in offense or defense gave him a headache. Snotlout was...different than he would have expected from a cousin. They weren't close growing up, that's for sure; Of course, Hiccup had always kept things that way because of their roles in the family. Whereas Hiccup was rather smart and a good blacksmith, Snotlout undoubtedly broke the mold in that department. In Hiccup's mind, he felt that it was slightly unfair. Snotlout was a better strategist. Snotlout was smarter. Snotlout was obviously the better choice, wasn't he? Of course, he had brought that up at dinner (in front of everyone, obviously) just to see his reaction. He took it better than he thought he would, surprisingly. After the initial shock was over and done with, he shook his head and just shrugged it off. And then lastly, there is Fishlegs and Astrid. Now that is one headache inducing pair if he ever saw one. It seemed that the only thing they ever did whenever they saw each other was fight! It got even worse once Astrid discovered that they were very distantly related. That's when the prank war between those two started, which made things constantly heated. Granted, there were some moments where absolute peace was abtained for a little while, but it never lasted long. As Hiccup absentmindedly threw knives from Toothless' back, he took a breath to prepare himself for the insanity that was going to happen in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

"I can't BELIEVE you did that Fish!" Astrid yelled across Dragon's Edge.

Hiccup sighed, looking down at Toothless. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

"I was hoping for another 20 minutes, but I guess that's not happening. Should we ignore them or intervene?"

In answer to Hiccup's question, Toothless laid down and put his tail above his head.

"I don't think that could block them out, but if you insist...we'll wait this one out, I suppose." Hiccup said, stretching his arms above his head and sitting down. He would've loved to get a nap in, but with the two of them fighting, things were bound to get loud and fast. Instead, he merely laid against Toothless and watched the impending fireworks. "I don't think I want to know what he did this time, but something tells me that I'm about to find out anyway."

"It's your fault Astrid! You were-" Fishlegs started, when Astrid started yelling again.

"MY fault?! YOU"RE the one that started this whole thing!"

"You know what your problem is?!" Fishlegs asked, not really caring if she answered.

"What do YOU know about me, anyway?!"

"You mean OTHER than the fact that you have an attitude? No WONDER he doesn't like you!"

Astrid flinched and glared at him in response. Stalking closer to Fishlegs, the fight was on the verge of getting physical and everyone knew it. Hiccup took a moment to note that everyone else was not only awake, but watching the two very closely. Snotlout met Hiccup's eyes and narrowed, as if questioning his refereeing skills. As much as he wanted to know more about not only the original problem but also who Fishlegs was talking about, this wasn't the way to accomplish that. Oh, well.

"Toothless, I guess we're stopping this one, too. Everyone's getting nervous, just in case you hadn't noticed." Hiccup muttered. Toothless grumbled and slowly walked over with Hiccup, listening to the two argue.

"Just because you find out that we're DISTANTLY related does NOT give you the right-"

Amidst the yelling and insult throwing contest, no one saw Hiccup and Toothless merely feet away until he shot a plasma blast between the two of them.

"Enough!" He yelled, standing in front of them and trying not to get too frustrated. This was getting old and he was tired of it. "I don't know why or who started it, nor do I particularly care. We have stuff to get done today, so for now...just be nice and quiet. Don't talk to each other and don't look at each other."

Hiccup left the field already tired, which was ridiculous. It had only been a few hours ago that he'd woken up and started on his training, then something like THIS happens. He could feel Snotlout watch him leave, probably silently admonishing him for losing his temper like that. As the heir he probably should know better, but when the same insanity happened every single day...

"Hiccup."

Ah, here it comes.

"You already know what I was going to tell you, so I won't really bother." Snotlout said quietly, before looking behind him where Fishlegs and Astrid were glaring at random objects. "But really? That was a little...harsh, even for those two."

"You cannot be serious, can you?" Hiccup deadpanned. "I have tried being sympathetic and nice, granted I'm a little rough around the edges with that...stuff. I have tried just about everything I can think of!"

"I get what you're saying, but telling them not to look at each other? They're not 3 years old anymore, Hiccup!" Hiccup glared at him, with an unspoken 'Yeah, so what?' Shrugging off the glare like usual, Snotlout sighed and leaned against a nearby tree. "So, now what? Do you even know what this was all about?"

"What do you think I was waiting for? I was trying to get information out of them."

"Well, from there it looked like you were trying to block them out. I know Toothless was, right? Either way, they can't glare at the walls forever. What are you going to do with them?"

"I think I've let this go on for far too long as it is, Lout." Hiccup sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration. "If I'm going to put an end to this, then I might have to take some...drastic measures."

"Drastic...?" Snotlout started and then paled slightly. Oh, this was bad. "Are you sure about this?"

"Unfortunately. Can I have your support on this?" Hiccup said, suddenly unsure of himself.

Snotlout nodded.

-line break-

Ruff and Tuff were sitting on the ground, probably talking about their theories on the latest fight and maybe taking bets on what Hiccup's response would be. He'd been a victim of that before and it wasn't pretty. The twins always gave off that look like they couldn't hurt a fly, nevermind outsmart one. However, this was not the case. The twins are quite devious about certain things, but it never does anyone harm...unless you bet against them. As Hiccup passed them, they suddenly got quiet and started watching his every move. Great, so it was another bet about his interactions.

As he looked at both Astrid and Fishlegs, Hiccup realized that as usual, his go to advisor was right. He really shouldn't have lost his temper like that. However, in the end...

"Alright, you two! I have an announcement for the both of you and I am willing to bet that neither of you will appreciate me saying this. HOWEVER! Your actions have led me to this and I'm afraid that you are leaving me with no choice!"

At this point, Astrid and Fishlegs went from glaring and blaming one another straight to fear of what was to come. On the outside, Hiccup was stern and holding his temper, but on the inside...he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"I can understand what its like to have familial problems and difficulties surrounding that. I can also understand the both of you just not liking each other to begin with. However, this constant yelling and pranks, waking people up at night and the consistent insults? I can't allow this to continue any longer than it already has, because frankly, I am surprised we haven't been seriously injured or had someone die."

Astrid and Fishlegs both gasped upon hearing this, and even Snotlout was slightly surprised at the blunt statement. Sure, it was true, but that didn't mean he had to go and say it! Of course, Astrid was the first to try and protest to all of these aforementioned statements...just to be immediately shot down.

"Now just wait a-!" Astrid started, which both Snotlout and Fishlegs knew wouldn't end well.

"Astrid, this is serious. Now sit down and be quiet or do I have to make that an order?"

At that, Astrid sat down on the ground and didn't say another word.

"Now, I realize you think I'm being harsh. However, you fail to see that I have been way too lenient. I have let this go on and in doing so have put everyone in danger. As it is, I'm not sure I can ever fully forgive myself for not acting sooner."

Snotlout noticed that out of the two of them, Astrid looked the most guilty. She looked like she was about to protest his last statement but thought better of it.

"As such, I am...going to take a small leave of absence, leaving Snotlout in charge while I think on how I could've done things differently. I'm telling you this now, so be warned. If the two of you can't get along and insist on putting others in danger, I will have no option than to banish you from the Edge. After which, you'll have to deal with the chief and whatever he sees fit. That's all I have to say, so...I'm going to go pack." Hiccup said, turning around and walking back to the hut in silence. He could feel the tense and strong emotions he left in his wake, almost as if they were his own.

-line break-

Hiccup had finished packing for a short stay in Berk, which was really weighing down on him more than anything. He was excited about going back and yet, he knew the mess he was leaving behind. Snotlout had reported to him later that afternoon that their plan was going quite spectacularly so far. He figured that right before Hiccup took off Astrid would apologize profusely and volunteer to go instead or something of that nature, which is pretty much what happened. As soon as he opened his door to leave, he was suddenly tackled by Astrid and almost fell on the ground in the process.

"Astrid! What's going on?"

"Please don't leave! It was my fault, okay?! I couldn't handle things and I just-"

"Astrid, I'm not going away forever. I'm just-"

"I'll go! You can stay here and lead like won't have to change and then-"

OH. So that's what it was.

"Things don't have to change, okay? They can stay just the way they are and NO one, besides you and Fishlegs will have to change at all. I won't even be gone long enough for you to notice, so-"

"Nothing will ever change?" Astrid asked as Toothless came out, obviously ready to leave. For some reason, she sounded sad and almost distant. Hiccup frowned in confusion and shook it off.

"No, why would it?" Hiccup asked, all sorts of confused.

"No...no reason." Astrid said in an almost weary tone. Oh, well.

"Well, then. I'll be back in a little while and I expect good reports from everyone. Otherwise-" Hiccup trailed off as he walked away.

As Hiccup got in the air, he smiled a bit to himself.

"I think that went rather well, don't you?"

Toothless just growled in return, obviously not in agreement. Oh, Astrid.

"I don't know what all of that was about, but-" Hiccup stopped, realizing something weird. "Since when would I find Ruff and Tuff reading?! Do they even know how to read? And exactly how is Fishlegs being so...gah! Toothless! Bud?!"

-line break-

Hiccup woke up with a start, breathing in short bursts of air.

'Okay, what in Thor's name was that?'

Toothless heard Hiccup wake up and came over, looking concerned. When Hiccup noticed, he smiled and gave his friend a hug. Knowing that he probably wouldn't be getting anymore sleep, he put his prosthetic on and went to get some fresh air. He was only half surprised to see Astrid in the air with Stormfly. Looking back at Toothless, he smiled a bit.

"Do you wanna take a few laps since we're awake?" He asked, knowing full well the answer would be yes. Once they got in the air, Astrid looked at him as if he had turned into a dragon himself.

"Hiccup?!" Astrid asked, still not quite understanding.

"Hello mi'lady! What brings you our this fine night?"

"I thought I was on patrol duty."

"The twins were supposed to-"

"Well, look at that...its the decoy dolls." Astrid deadpanned.

"Why am I even surprised anymore?"

"Who knows? They probably do it more for you than them these days."

"They-? You know what? I don't want to know."

"Did you have another nightmare or something?"

Hiccup looked up at her, surprised. How did she?

"I didn't know. You just told me, though." Astrid said, almost laughing at the look on his face.

"I walked into that one, didn't I?" Hiccup sighed, rubbing his hand down his face. "Fine, fine...you win."

"I always do."

"Anyway, yeah...I guess you could call it a bad dream if you want. It was just weird, that's all." He said, trying not to shudder.

"What could be so bad, really?"

"Are you sure you want to know? It's very weird."

"That's okay with me. Share away."

-Several fairly disturbing minutes later-

"Astrid? Are you..?" Hiccup started to ask, before hearing her laugh at him.

"Please tell me that you're joking, because that is just the craziest nonsense I have ever heard. Obviously, I underestimated how twisted your mind really can be."

" Its not that funny."

"I think that its hilarious."

"Riiight. And here I thought that I might be the one going crazy."

"Toothless agrees with me."

"He'd agree that Ruff is a princess if you promised him fish."

Astrid laughed at the both of them as Hiccup got ear slapped for the last comment. As they landed, the sun came out and started another new day. Hiccup smiled at Astrid as they prepared to go about their day, before a thought crossed his mind.

"Astrid, you're not going to say anything to them. Right?"

Astrid turned to walk away towards the clubhouse and didn't stop, even though she heard him. She smirked, allowing him time to sweat.

"Astrid? Astrid, I'm not kidding here! Hey, come back!"

FIN

A/N: Surprise ending, huh? I haven't written one that long in one go in a good long while. Phew. ?


End file.
